“A man may fail many times but he isn’t a failure until he begins to blame somebody else” J. Paul Getty.
Back when I was a teenager, there were times when my parents would do something that at the time seemed like they were intentionally trying to ruin my happiness. I remember how I would act out and avoid talking to them for days. Because I felt like they were supposed to do everything to make me happy. They could not do anything wrong and if they did, I felt I had the right to punish them with anger and making them feel guilty.
It took me a long time and a lot of growing up to realize that nobody was out to get me and even if they did my happiness was always my responsibility. A Lot may have happened to us as kids and even today as grown-ups that we have no control over. However, at the end of the day, how we move on from whatever happens and our decisions determine who we become.
Now I look around and I realize there are so many like my teenage self. Alot of us, feed on the attention and validation that comes from playing the victim. We are so quick to remember and name what others are doing wrong to us. Why can’t we stop being so bitter? Is it because it for a moment we have the attention we crave so much or is it that we want to divert the attention from our lack of responsibility to ourselves?
We endlessly complain and yet we do so little or nothing to change the circumstances that we can in our lives. We grow up physically but emotionally we are still stuck in the past. Excuses will always be available, that’s one thing I learnt but if we really want a way out, we will find one.
Moving forward how do we go from the victim mentality to taking 100% responsibility of our lives. I’ve learnt that when I take my focus off how things or people may have failed me, I discover how my habits or attitude maybe contributing to my unhappiness. I ‘ve learnt to move from asking why to asking how. If we continuously ask ourselves the right questions our mind will always provide the right answers.
Truly forgive those or that which you think has wronged you and don’t wait for apologies to get started. We give away our power /control when we blame or hold onto grudges. Change will only start when we realize that nobody is coming to save us, and whether we are happy or not it is our responsibility. The world doesn’t owe us anything.
Self-reflection is self-healing. What are you blaming others or the world for? What little changes can you do today to free yourself from the victim mentality?
“…Your life can only change to the degree that you accept responsibility for it” Steve Maraboli